Goddess Rhianna's Blog

Becoming a tantrica

January 28, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — goddessrhianna @ 9:49 pm

There is so much to post about:

– I had my Goddess dance organized

– I had an affair –

– And I started my tantric coaching

Life is good and exiting.

To keep it short, just for me, so I’ll remember later

Tantric coaching

– Practice: presencing(as much as I can remember) and meditation(10 minutes in the morning) Presensing practice – keep feeling your breath, and your whole body, the energy, inside and outside, tips of your toes and the air on your skin, how it feels to move, your hair, the air on the inside of your nostrils on inhale, on your upper lip on the exhale. Feel it all at once, be in your body. You’ll notice how the chatter brain will stop, you can’t pay this much attention to your body and still have thoughts. If thoughts do arise, just ignore them.

Sat Nam meditation – 10 minutes in the morning – eyes crossed looking at the tip of your nose. On inhale turn your head to the left and say “Sat”, on exhale, turn your head all the way to the right and say “Nam”

Intent and trust. Intent to connect with spirit, to experience your destiny path. Trust that the spirit will hear me and will respond. Whatever is needed will appear, people who I need to connect with will appear in my life. My path will unfold in front of me. My own path, my own destiny. Not because somebody else said so. My own.

Goddess Dance – manifestation in it’s best form. Let the energy flow and get out of it’s way. Everything happens. Be connected with spirit and centered – do what you have to do (overcome fears and blocks), just do it. Do every little step that you have to do. Everything will unfold beautifully. It all happened. And it happened so fast. We are having the dance. Women need it, women show up and want it. They had their money ready. Amazing. Unbelievable

Affair. Isn’t not really an affair, my husband know and wholeheartedly approves. But, it took me by surprise. I always wanted to surrender to a strong, powerful, dominant man. Well, I’m playing with a Dom. I’ve known him socially for 3 years. I’ve been flirting with him forever and this time I went too far in my flirting, we decided to play. He warned me, he gave me a way out. I didn’t want out, I wanted in. And so the game has started – the mind fuck, the emails, exchanging fantasies and hopes and beliefs. I fell into it heels over head. I wanted it so much. And I let myself feel. I let myself be me. I explored my fantasies, I went deep, I went through barriers and beliefs. I discovered so much about myself. I’m into beautiful submission! That’s just me, that’s who I am. I yearn to submit to a strong man. With an open heart, in my feminine power, I yearn to surrender to his strength, I yearn to open all of myself and surrender so completely like I’ve never done before. I’m not into pain, I’m not into humiliation, I’m not into diminishing anyone. For the first time in my life I get to experiment and explore my fantasies – no shame, no guilt, no fears. I’m just being me.

When we played for the first time, all the teasing, all the build up made me quite a basket case. I couldn’t stand, I had to sit down, I didn’t know I can feel his much, I didn’t know I can take it all. And the evening haven’t’ even started yet. We eat dinner – I tried to eat, I put food in my mouth and I didn’t know what to do with it. I haven’t feel like that since I was 19. For that alone I’m grateful. I loved the attention. I felt it was all about me. And I wanted to give back. And I did, and I made him loose control and I loved it. I gave him a very special experience too and it felt right. We are going to play again. I have to satisfy this hunger, I have to get it out of my system. And my relationship with my husband is only better because of it. I’m way hornier (that’s always nice) and I want to do so much more with my husband. And I want to treat him like a God, like he’s deserved to be treated. My husband is God in bed. He is simply amazing. The other man gave me my fantasies. My husband will give me the rest.

 

January 11, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — goddessrhianna @ 8:24 pm

I loved the post from Jonathan Fields (CareerRenegade) where he talks about his journey. I especially liked this part:

http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/oh-the-places-you-will-go/

It doesn’t mean life’s always easy, always fun, always flowing along. I have challenges, frustrations, angst and anxiety, just like anyone else. But, because they tend to be in the name of the quest for a more authentic, empowered life, it’s so much easier to reframe them as something positive. To move through the challenges with more grace. To understand that, as Kierkegaard said…

Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.

I’ve also discovered that part of the process of coming alive involves taking responsibility for your actions and inactions, learning from your outcomes, then closing the book and integrating what you’ve learned to inform and enhance the next leg of your journey.

 

To quit or not to quit January 10, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — goddessrhianna @ 10:17 pm

I’ve just read a phrase “there are too many ways to make money to stay in a job you hate.” Is that true? How am I going to figure out what I can do – and make money, so I can quit my job and break it free.  Yes, find what you love, what is it that you would love doing so much that you wouldn’t ever call it work, regardless of how difficult it is. And go for it. A year form now, you will be in an entirely different place, guaranteed. 3 years from now, you’ll make it.

And of course, quitting right now is not an option. Not an option…. that’s just too bad, but I’ll be back at work tomorrow but after work, I’ll be right back here, trying to figure it out and make it happen. Let’s see what I am made of. Let’s see, if I am willing to be a woman I always wanted to be. Because the alternative is dying. Dying inside, pretending, hiding, making yourself small. You can’t do it anymore, you have to let yourself be free. Be love, that you are. You already are everything you ever wanted to be. Just ask your mind to shut up and act from your heart. Is it all it takes? yes, I think it is all it takes to really make it, because if you are not happy, no amount of money is going to help.

So, don’t quit your job(yet) and don’t quit your dreams. You’ll make it.

 

Participating in life January 9, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — goddessrhianna @ 11:35 pm

What a difference it makes when you let yourself feel and live fully, participating in life, not shutting down and trying to hide. Do what your heart tells you to. No analyzing, no editing, no rationalizing – just feeling. Doing what feels right. Feeling deeply into it. Almost like falling into a different reality. I’m not taking about something big here, I’m talking about going through your day, doing your usual tasks, but with an open heart. Then every small thing changes, takes on a different color, get a deeper meaning. You connect with people, you connect with yourself, with your center, with your purpose, with your power. If you are a woman, you feel connected to your feminine heart, to your radiance, you let your light shine. If you are man, you are connected to your purpose, your strength, your power. Power that comes from the heart.

I was walking home and there was a guy playing the guitar and singing. I loved his voice. I just loved it. Usually I feel awkward not giving anything, and I feel shy giving. Today I felt so connected to my heart, I knew I wanted to give him some money to express my appreciation. I looked him right in the eyes, I connected with him, I said thank you, I gave the money. It’s a small event, just one small moment in the course of the day, but it felt great. I felt wonderful, I felt so connected to my heart and I felt like I am really participating in life. Living fully, without any restrictions. For me it is about following my heart, my inner voice. Not letting my mind to interfere.

 

Alternatives January 8, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — goddessrhianna @ 9:57 pm

 So, here is the alternative – do my best, take the risk and be willing to become the woman I want to be. Work hard, make mistakes, get out of my comfort zone, reach people, reach for my full potential. Life fully, radiant, powerful, in love. Or…. Play it safe, stay love, live small, keep the job you hate, live in fear, shut down, close your heart, drown your feelings and emotions. Pretend that it’s ok, hope it’ll somehow get better, commiserate with others who do the same, blame somebody else, don’t make any mistakes… all for the next 30 years, and then retire, if you can afford it. Pretend you are happy. Never live to your full potential, never even try to be the best you can be. Live small, afraid of live, afraid to take risk, afraid of your own power.

 Is that such a hard choice? Is it really hard to choose? Is the price too high? Who cares, what the price is? You have to run, get out of this hell, as soon as you can, before it eats you alive.

 And what is the price? Yes, I’ll have to take risk. Yes, I’ll have to work hard. I have to give it my all. I’ll make mistakes and look foolish, and I’ll screw up, and I’ll feel fears and darkness, and I’ll have to be willing to be the best I can be. I’ll have to be willing to live authentically, with an open heart. And then maybe I’ll reach others, maybe I’ll taste the joy, the happiness of what is. The reality.

 I’ll have to believe in myself. I’ll have to work so much harder than I ever worked in my life. Will it feel like work? If it comes from the heart, if it’s my passion? I still want it to be easy. And you know what, who said it has to be hard. Hard is right now – to go to work every day and hate it. But I’ll have to deal with rejections, criticism, ridicule. I’ll have to deal with people’s distrust, bad opinions about myself, I’ll have deal with my friend and parents, explaining to them what I want to do and why. Will it be so hard? It’s really none of my business what they think about me. Why worry about it now?

 But how will I make the money? I am responsible not only for myself but also for my kids and my parents. No body else, but myself. How will I make enough money, how will I create the abundance. The universe is abundant, it wants you to make the money, it wants you to live well. In Maui.

 Imagine that – you get up in the morning and smile. You get to do what YOU want to do today. Maybe write (in  your beautiful home office), or work on your seminars, or work on the business. You’ll meditate and dance and you’ll do something to connect with people. You’ll take personal development classes. You’ll pack the kids and go live for a few months in Sedona to learn at the temple. You go and live in Maui and take workshops with the divine feminine institute. And then you’ll write about it. And most importantly, you’ll live with an open heart in your truth, in your power.

 Guess what, it’s all your choice. It’s entirely up to you.

 

Overcoming fear

Filed under: Uncategorized — goddessrhianna @ 9:42 pm

So I’m facing my fears again. Why? Because I’m about to take some actions and fears are here again…. So, what do we do? Feel the fear and do it anyway, right? No point pretending that they are not here, they are…. But it’s really only my thinking about it that makes it so scary, not the reality. So, I’m taking a piece of paper and start writing all fears and concerns that I have. Pretty soon I notice the little voice inside of me that starts to make comments, and I start writing it down, and pay attention – because this little voice that I could hardly hear because off all those thoughts  – is actually right.

 So, I’m scared of or worried about

–         reaching people

–         how would I look

–         can I even do it?

–         It’s so new, it’s out of my comfort zone

–         What if people wouldn’t show up? – It’s nonsense, of course they will.

–         But what if they stop coming – so what, then you are no worse than you are now

–         I’ll have to be the leader – but inside you already are a leader

–         What id I’ll make mistakes – the sooner the better. You need to learn, so you can go after your goals, so you can live the life of your dreams. Make them, the more the better – the faster you’ll learn. If you never try, you’ll never make any mistakes and you will never learn. You’ll stagnate. Believe me, it’s much better than making mistakes

–         What if I’ll stutter – and????

–         I’ll have to have the guts and be who I always wanted to be – but honey, you already are all you wanted to be. You couldn’t’ even want it if it wasn’t in you already. It’s all here. Just do it

  So, the more I write, the more I relax and start smiling and believing in myself again. And if it’s not good enough, I can always do the work. What’s the work? The beautiful method developed by Katie Byron – please read her book “Loving what is”. It’s a wonderful book describing how to achieve freedom through the process of self discovery. Trying to let go of painful thoughts never work, but by going through “the work”, the thoughts would let go of us. It’s not the problem that causes our suffering; it’s our thinking about the problem.

 Anyway, that’s it for today. I do feel a lot better. And don’t forget, the more you do it, the easier it gets. Something that is hard and scary today will be easy and effortless in a month or two – but only if you do it.  If you don’t – it’s still going to be hard and scary.

 

Turning 35 January 7, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — goddessrhianna @ 8:15 pm

How could I have been possibly afraid of turning 30 and then turning 35. This is THE BEST age, the best time of my life. I can’t believe how powerful 35 is. Knowing who you are, knowing what you want – the strength and power of it is unbelievable. I finally see myself beautiful and I like who I am. I like who I’ve become.  No, I don’t have it all figured out yet, but I’m excited about the future. This will be a transformational year for me, the beginning of a new life. I’m really excited about the possibilities. Everything is possible. I’m just starting to live authentically, and it’s absolutely beautiful. I don’t regret not being in my 20’s anymore, I’m thrilled about the power – the power I never had when I was 20 or even 30. Of course when I was 20 I thought 35 was old, I couldn’t even imagine what being 35 means.