It’s like I’m a different person now and I didn’t even had to change. I had it in me all along. How is it even possible? Why did it happen? How could I live not knowing who I was, what my purpose was. How could I be so closed? I’m looking at some people now and I can’t believe how they are living or how they are acting, and I used to be exactly like them. I didn’t know better. This Christmas season I’m going around giving hugs, sharing myself, connecting with people. Last year – I was afraid to do it. I couldn’t hug anybody at work. Of course I’d say merry Christmas, but I was closed, it wasn’t from the heart. This time it’s from the heart. It’s still not easy. I had to overcome some old patterns. I felt resistance. I was going to send a “Merry Christmas” email and felt hesitant. In my old way of thinking (and how screwed up is that) I wasn’t sure what would people think about me… what would people think if I wish them merry Christmas… for crying out loud, how could I live being so shut down from life and not even know it. It hurts. I see people who are doing exactly the same, leaving home from work without even exchanging a friendly word with anyone… It makes me sad. Anyway, I was on a mission this year – to score hugs and to inspire people to open up a bit. Hugs felt so good. My email felt so good – I sent it to 84 people (that’s only at work) – wishing them merry Christmas and letting them know the mattered to me in the last year. Of course they loved it and I got so many replies. Why would anybody be shy to do it? Nevertheless, I was shy just a few weeks ago. How could I change so much? I didn’t have to force anything, I didn’t have to work on it, I just had to act from the heart. And I feel like I know what my mission is now – to touch the hearts of everyone I meet. Just by being me. Just by living authentically. Just by sharing my light. By connecting. By acknowledging the divine beings in everyone I meet. And I meet everyone. Just those little acts of kindness, could be a sincere smile to a stranger, a sincere “have a good day” to a colleague, a loooooong hug to a child. On the surface it might be the same acts I used to do before, But it feels 100% different when it comes from the heart. And not from fear, not from the mind. I can feel my light shining through my eyes. I can feel how I connect with people. I sense the instant recognition, on the soul level. We are all one. We are not different. And this is how I want to live my truth – by showing up, by living big, a woman on a mission.
I also see now very clearly how you can’t really teach any of that, because unless the person is ready, they just wouldn’t understand. It’s not about practice, it’s not about some routing how to get rid of the old habits and build new ones. It’s about uncovering who you really are. You already are all you want to be, all you can be. Pure potential – it’s all already here. You are a gift, you are a child, you are a God or a Goddess. But if you don’t know this, if you don’t feel it deep inside, if you don’t know that this is the truth, how can it be thought. GO – and find out who you are. There are many many ways to get to the top of the mountain. Illumination Intensive was the shortest way for me. It worked for me. Something else might work better for you. Figure out what it is and do it, it’s worth it. I get it now, I really get it. I used to try to meditate and sit quietly trying to get rid of my thoughts. I didn’t know what to expect, I didn’t know what was supposed to happen, I didn’t know where was I suppose to go with it. I didn’t realize the simple truth – you go inside. You find your center, you feel your heart, you feel connected – then you are arrived, you don’t have to go anywhere form there. Maybe for others, when practicing meditation, they do discover it eventually, they arrive to this sacred spot. For me, it was the other way around, I first discovered this about me, I first felt it all inside of me, then I knew what meditation is supposed to be.
I love you all, we are all one. Live big, don’t be afraid. Find yourself. Isn’t it what it’s all about – find yourself and live your truth. Nothing else to do, no body is broken, there is nothing to fix. You are already all you want to be. You are love.