Goddess Rhianna's Blog

Becoming a tantrica

Week ends December 20, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — goddessrhianna @ 9:22 pm

Why are weekends so tiring? Why instead of recharging, relaxing and having fun, it feels like work, stress, too much, opposite of fun and pretty much exhausting? We are trying, we do fun things with the kids, we go out, we work out, we went skiing twice (without the kids, they were having their nap and my parents baby sat). We went to the mall, had ice creams, rode merry-go-round and still… I almost fell apart at the end of the day and am feeling miserable. Why is this? Cannot I organize the kids, our schedule and our life better?  Why cannot I be relaxed and goddessy around the kids? Because it is about the kids. It’s this little things that I didn’t realize before kids – you don’t’ have any more of your own time. It just doesn’t happen. The 17 months old requires attention all the time. And while he is an easy going and happy baby – if he’s not happy, he lets you know. He’s a normal perfect kid. But I just don’t get enough time in the day to recharge, to be me, to do what I want. Does it make me a bad mom? We all try to be this ideal mama, who is never upset or tired, who knows answers to all the questions, and knows exactly how to deal with any situation. Well, I guess I’m not one. I do think I’m a pretty good mom – I do not yell, I’d never hit or spank a child, I’m pretty calm and trying to give them as much freedom to explore the world as possible. I love them so much and I let them know it. I meet their needs. I do not believe a baby or a small kid can do something bad – if they do what they are not supposed to do, it’s my fault, not theirs. There is no need for punishment, I need to watch them better, or teach them better. And I try. But I do get tired, I do feel exhausted, and I can’t wait to the end of the day when they go to sleep. Do you know how guilty it makes me feel to write these words? What can be done about this? I don’t know. One thing I do know is that it gets easier when they are older. Physically easier – there is no need for 100% supervision. And there are things they can do themselves. And you can explain, talk and negotiate. Oh, a power of negotiation. There is no negotiation with a 1 year old. 3 years old on the other hand is quite capable of figuring out what has to happen before she can watch a movie. Oh yea, I bribe my kids. First eat, then ice cream. First clean up the toys, then a movie. Do you want to go for a walk- get dressed. Works like a charm. But this never ending work of caring for the children – I am tired and I do not recharge. And weekends are worse then the work week. There, I said it. I don’t want it to be like this. I’m hoping I’ll be able to figure it out. I’m hoping I’m just still recovering from the year of sleep deprivation and 2 things will happen – I’ll get more rested and get in a better shape and my son will be older, pass the teething stage, will be able to communicate more and, gasp, he and my daughter will be able to play more on their own!!! Living me to be able to do one simple thing – quality time with them instead of quantity. I’m hoping to be able to cook dinner when nobody is crying, but they are all playing happily. I’m hoping for some time to rest when I need to. I’m hoping for a great time playing with them and being outside with them without constant worry of somebody is going to cry soon and what am I going to do about it. My daughter now loves skiing and hiking, so I’m just hoping soon all 4 of us will be able to do all that. And I need to be way more relaxed if I want all that. Why my husband can do it perfectly? I keep it all inside, until I loose it, usually when I’m alone of ih my husband happens to be there. It just isn’t right? Is there a secret I need to learn? Is it easy for everybody else? How do you make it work? I need help. What you need right now – is more sleep. Go play the piano and go to sleep for crying out loud. Get your body a rest it needs. Everything is different when you are rested. Love you.

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