Goddess Rhianna's Blog

Becoming a tantrica

Living From Truth – Self Expression December 17, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — goddessrhianna @ 11:35 am

I wanted to write very briefly about the workshop I took 3 weeks ago – “Self Expression” from the “Living from truth” series. This is my first workshop – out of 8 different topics running through 2 years period of time. People join in whenever they can, so there is always somebody new and somebody who’s been doing it for a while.

Yesterday somebody asked me what was my biggest gain. I fell into the very clear, inspired place and I started talking from that place …I have to explain, I’m normally shy, I’m an introvert and I do think before I speak. So I speak from my head, from my mind. Not from my heart. Even though I’m honest and open, it’s the result of the work of the mind. I’m so tired of it. I’m just so happy when I can stop doing it, even for a little while. This is why it’s important to understand that speaking from inspiration, without thinking first what I want to say is a breakthrough to me.

My answer was something within these lines: My biggest win is the realization that I have a very strong core, a center within me. A place of pease, clarity and strength. A place of deep wisdom and knowledge. At any moment I have the ability to be centred, to feel this strength; and to be open and connected to something bigger than me – connected with the source, the Universe, God. Open to my creativity, open to perfection, open to life itself. This is always available to me – at any moment, at any circumstances. The beauty of the Warrior Sage process is that this knowledge doesn’t come from hte teacher. This is true beacuse I said so. It comes from you. It comes from your heart. You know that it is true. It is your deepest truth. It’s different for everybody. Somebody from the same workshop could find something totally different from it. For example, for somebody else their deepest win could be how to deal with and express anger. And their answer will also come from thier heart – it’s their truth.

My answers come beacause this is what is so importatnt for me. I grew up withoug feeling this center, this strength. I didn’t even know I had it. I wanted to please people, i wanted to be accepted, I wanted to have a boyfriend – so I’d do things that I thought were expected fm me. I was envious of some of my firned who even as kids, and even wors, teenagers, had this strong core, had their own values – something you coulnd’t just shake. And no boyfriends, or cliques wee able to change it. I wasn’t like that, I’d behave differently with different people, I’d akt and speak differnetly. I wasnt’ true to myself, and, while being mostly honest, I wasn’t honest to myself. I didn’t really know what my values were. Sure, there were lots of things that I was taught, and taught well. But what was coming form me, from my heart? I didn’t know how to conenct with my heart then.

I was in my head, in my brain. I was always very logical, I loved math, my values, my goals, my ideas came from my head. I always had goal, I had strong will and I was going after what I wanted. I was happy. I’m not saying I wasn’t. I didn’t even know that there were other ways to live. I didn’t believe in myslef. Here, I said it. I never believed that I was creative, or that I was capable of insight, or that I was beutiful. I knew I was smart, I knew I was easygoing, I knew I was sexy cause boys wanted to be with me – but I wasn’t confident and I wasn’t being me. I didn’t know who I was. I am jsut starting to find it out.

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