Goddess Rhianna's Blog

Becoming a tantrica

What I want December 16, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — goddessrhianna @ 4:14 pm

Oh, I want so many things, I want to do and to be so many things. How am I going to find time to do it all?

  1. I want to dance  – but not just dance in my room with the doors closed. It doesn’t cut it anymore. I want to dance on stage. I want to inspire other women, cause if I can do it – so can they. We are all one, we are all made of te same stuff, but some of us have forgotten, soem of us lsot this connection. I always loved dancing, loved feeling my body moving, the energy of dance. I want to bring it on stage. I want to teach too. Have my own studio and teach. My interest – NIA, belly dancing, sacred dance, burlesque, pole dancing, latin. I wish we could do couple dancing, but with little kids it’s pretty hard for both of us to train and practice. Plus it’s my dream, not his
  2. I want to learn to play the piano. I started in May 2009 and started taking lessons in September – and I can honestly say, if I can do it – anybody can. I thought I was tone deaf. I never played an instrument before. I can’t sing.  I started at the age of 35 and get so much joy out of it. I’m good too – for the small amount of time I practised – teh results are great. If this call you – give it a try, don’t think you are too old. On the wonderful forum @ pianoworld.com there are so many people of all ages and stages of life studiing piano – it’s so inspiring and amazing. My dream is to get a baby grand piano, but right now I am thrilled wiht my Clavinova! Think earphones – how could I possible practice with small children at home. I practice only after they go to bed and can easily go for an hour not bothering anybody. I’m learnign “Fur Elise” and “Memory” from “Cats” and am ecstatic abouth both of these pieces.  I also want to learn to improvise and compose. This will come later. I figure I need a couple of yars under my belt to get pass this beginning stage. Piano does take time (potentially takes all your free time) but it’s worth it. I found a missing part of myself. I reconnected with something bigger here. I’m very happy I did it.
  3. I want to learn how to sing – and express myself through singing. I can’t sing. I literally can’t sing. But it looks like everybody can learn. This is so embarassing though. It’s not too bad with the piano – it’s ok not to know how to play. But with the voice – you’d think it shoudl come naturally. And I’m not taking about Opera singing here – I jsut want to be able to carry a tune. And I will. My piano teacher gives me little assignments to practice. I can only sing do-re-me-fa-sol;  la, ti and do – not so much. I dont’ know how to re-adjust the pitch, I don’t know how to develop the voice, la-ti-do sounds to high for me. I’m so impatioent to get better. My teacher gives me a month.
  4. Tantra – this is a big one. I feel very drawn to this work. I’m fascinated by the community. I love the idea. I know I need it. I’m not sure what exactly I am going to do, we live to far away from any teacher, but I’m craving to start this work. I want to work with a dakini, I want to learn the secrets of the trade. I want to be one of them when I grow up. I’m not very much in touch with my body, my sex life definitely can be better. My husband is highly advanced individual, but for whatever reason he can’t bring me up with him. i have to do it myslef. I have to figure out the way. I will write about it. I will be transforming and changing and I will look back at this entry and laugh, happy that I took the steps, happy that I didn’t feared the path. I want to learn to expirience a full body orgasm, I want to learn to ejaculate – oh, I’ve seen it, and it’s beautiful. A few years ago I didn’t even know it exists. and then thought it’s only some freaks who are capable of it. Could could we be so wrong about it. I want to bring light to it. It’s our birthright as women. I can’t believe we are so deprived.
  5. Goddess training – I am a part of a beutiful wonderful Goddess group which has been going for almost 3 years now. Oh, how much I love it. This is where I learnt to open my heart. This is where I saw (and believed) how beautiful I am and how beautiful is every woman. We are divine. We are light. How could I not see it before. But I didn’t. Stuck in my life, my goals, my ambitions – not knowing how to break out. Goddess training did it for me. I want to continue. And I want to inspire other women – everybody should take this training- but surprisingly, most at afraid. Yes, I must admit it doesn’t work for everybody – you must be ready. I was. I want to bring it to a new level. I want to resurrect Goddess dance – a free form dancing for women only to recharge tehir spirits, to open their hearts. To get in touch with their feminine power, to be with their sisters – as group of women is powerful
  6. I want to be a yoga instructor. Oh, but I’m so infelxible. I’m a runner and an athlete. I’m in a great phisical shape, although I’m still working on getting it better. I want my six pack. But I’m not flexible. And I always wanted to do yoga. I  keep doing a litlle bit, once in a while, with long breaks, but I always return to it. I love “Yoga – a gem for women” by Gita Aiengar, but I don’t have the patience, I want to see a better progress faster. But I’ll just keep doing it. i won’t give up.

 

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